pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
