New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize