why didn't you poke me back
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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