doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize