he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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