in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
