Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
