let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
