she was so not down for the gang bang
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
