he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
