she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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