shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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