Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
