I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
