I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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