just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
