As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
