I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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