I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize