She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
