I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
