Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
