So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
