Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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