i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
