Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
