so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
