it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
