so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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