trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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