i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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