I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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