I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize