I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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