If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
