That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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