I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am puke
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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