It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
