I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He did a backflip because drugs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
