Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
