After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
