i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
