I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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