It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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