Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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