I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize