You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
