First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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