You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
