dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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