I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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