If i come over, it means nothing
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
