we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
