I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
