i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
