Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
