how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
