I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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