While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
