Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
