i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
