I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
