sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
