Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
