You work out of a Hotel?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
