If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize