you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
