DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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