I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
