I think I died a long time ago.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
