They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
