it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
