Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
