we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize