Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
