Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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