Someone shit on the floor
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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