his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Randomize
