Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
