How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
