You work out of a Hotel?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
