It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
someone owes me an orgasm
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
