are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
