last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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