Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
