i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
