she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
