i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
