I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
