my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
