On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
