omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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