dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
