booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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