but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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