you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Randomize
