she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize