Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
