Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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