Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
