I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
