a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
