Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
3 2 1 whiskey
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
