Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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