There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
